翻译考试 2020-09-22 22:06:38 翻译考试
[摘要]英语幽默小笑话大全1 a kissAt a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a[db:cate]



1.a kiss

At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.

The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a "KISS" before you begin your speech."

The speaker smiled and explained, "You don"t know my wife. The "KISS" she give me stands for "Keep It Short, Stupid.""

2.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you"re stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you"re stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma"am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"





3.a great man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great

man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.




4Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does

your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."

6.Policeman: Why didn"t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they"d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.



7.The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It"s all right," said a gentleman, "don"t be afraid. Don"t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don"t bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"




8.Class and Ass

Professor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door:“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today.” A studentafter reading the noticerubbed out thec”. Later Professor Laurie came alongand entering into the spirit of the jokerubbed out thel”.

格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知:“劳里教授今天不会他的班。” 一个学生读了通知后,擦掉了字母“c”。 后来劳里教授来了,也想开开玩笑,他擦掉了字母“l”。

9.No matter which girl he brought home the young man found disapproval from his mother A friend gave him advice Find a girl just like your mother—then she"s bound to like her So the young man searched and searched and finally found the girlHe told his friendly adviser Just like you said I found a girl who lookedtalkeddressed and even cooked like motherAnd just as you saidmother liked her So,”asked the friend,“what happened?” Nothing,”said the young man.“My father hates her!”

无论带哪一个女孩回家,这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说: “找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。” 于是这位青年人不停地找啊找,终于找到了这么个女孩。 正像你说的那样,我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮,甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样,我母亲喜欢她。” “那后来呢?”朋友问。 “没什么,”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她!”

10 The Same Service

.A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor When I was first marriedI was very happy I"d come home from a hard day down at the shopand my little dog would race around barkingand my wife would bring me my slippersNow everything"s changedWhen I come homemy dog brings me my slippersand my wife barks at me.” I don"t know what you"re complaining about,”said the counselor.“You"re still getting the same service.”

一个结婚十年的男人正在请教一位婚姻顾问。“刚结婚那会儿,我非常幸福。我在店里劳累一天回到家,我的小狗会绕着我跑,汪汪叫,而我的妻子给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。我回到家里,我的狗给我拿来拖鞋,我的妻子对着我汪汪叫。” “我不知道你在抱怨什么,”婚姻顾问说。“你得到的服务还是一样的呀。”

11.A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don"t you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.  

"Yes, sir," replied the driver.   

"Then why didn"t you pull over immediately?"   

"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.





12.Workman:“Mr. BrownI should like to ask for a small rise in my wages I have just been married.” Employer:“Very sorrymy dear man but I can"t help you For accidents which happen to our workmen outside the factory, we are not responsible.”

工人:“布朗先生,我想请您给我加一点工资。我刚刚结了婚。” 雇主:“非常抱歉,老兄,但是我无能为力。对工人在厂外发生的事故我们概不负责。”

13.Sir William Thompson was very deaf but he did not like people to know this One evening he had invited several friends to dinner and while they were sitting at the table one of the friends told a funny story Everyone laughed and Sir William who had laughed as loud as anyone said,“That was a very funny joke but I know a funnier one Would you like to hear it?” They all said they would so Sir William began his story When it ended everyone laughed louder than ever and Sir William smiled happily But he didn"t know the reason for their laughter He had told the very same story that his friend had just told

威廉·汤普森爵士非常聋,但他却不愿意让别人知道这 件事,一天晚上,他邀请了几位朋友吃饭。在就餐的时候,一 位朋友讲了个有趣的故事,大都笑了,汤普森也和别人一 样放声大笑,他说:“这是个十分有趣的笑话,但是我还知道 一个更有趣的笑话,你们愿意听吗?”朋友们都说愿意听。于 是,汤普森开始讲他的故事。当故事讲完时,大家笑得比方才 还厉害,汤普森的脸上露出了欣慰的笑容。但他却不知道别 人发笑的原因。原来,他讲的正是方才那位朋友讲的故事。

14.Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It"s no use, my little dog can"t read.





1. As new students at a university in Boston, many of us were unfamiliar with the campus and consequently late for class. One professor, however, was particularly intolerant of tardiness, making it clear that no excuse would be acceptable. So when a student stumbled into his class one morning late, we expected the worst.

Obvious upset, the professor demanded the reason for the student’s tardiness. I was waiting on line to buy your new textbook, she replied nervously. Gazing out at the rest of the class, the professor asked, Well, why weren’t the rest of you late?


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